.You know- I've been thinking..
.No you haven't. I don't think you think at all, I think you just decide things on your own and decide to make them facts..
.You're right. I apologize. I've been deciding then- is that better?.
.It's more accurate..
.So- I've been deciding, I think he's probably going to tell you to fuck off in five months..
.Okay- well I think you're full of shit..
.I know, and I probably am, but I just can't help it. I think I see things more clearly than you do sometimes. I understand that you have a lot going on right now, and a lot of things on your mind, and it's so easy to get caught up in all that, isn't it?.
.Yeah, I know. Really, I do- I just don't want you to get hurt, you know that right? That's all it is. I just want you to be okay, and to have peace and quiet like you want, you know? I know you know. And I really don't think that you being hurt is very conducive to peace and quiet at all, so, you know, I try to keep an eye out for situations that could be trouble down the road, things that could trip you up, or hurt you- that's all I'm doing, you understand that right?.
.Go away..
.Of course you understand. We go way back, you and I. I know how you think, you know how I think, two of a kind, that's you and me, watching each other's backs and making sure the path is clear and-.
.Seriously. I'm not listening to you. I'm done. Go away..
.Just hear me out, then I promise, I'll be quiet, okay? - Okay? - Okay. Like I said, five months. All of this stuff that's going on, it's just going to be too much. I mean, right now, of course it's really easy for him to be there, because there's that nice safe distance, isn't there? Oh, and don't get me wrong- I totally think it's good for you too, to have some distance, some boundaries, some nice open space to just breathe, you know? You don't need somebody hanging on you all the Goddamn time, breathing down your neck, watching, you and keeping tabs on you, and telling you what to do, and knowing where you are all the time, and getting all up in your shit all the time. I get it man, I understand.
I just, you know, want you to be aware of what's going on, you know? So, this is my little heads up. I think- and that's all it is, you know I wouldn't outright decide something really unless we both agree- So I think that probably, five months, he's going to come up with a new timeline. I mean, this has been a really good timeline, you know? Like, a whole year is a really fuckin' long time. Like, really damn long. Hell, six weeks- remember that? Six weeks was a loooong time. Damn- do you remember that? I think we were both going nuts by the end of-
.Do you have a point here? Or are you just going to ramble?.
.Hey, it's cool, okay, so my point, is I think he's gonna like- okay, maybe take off, maybe not, I don't know about that. Hey, we can't know what's going on inside other people's heads, right? We both know that. But I mean, we have this capability for judgment, and we wouldn't have that if we weren't supposed to use it you know?
I think- I judge, I guess, that a year's gonna go by, and then he's going to have another deadline. Probably not another year, but say- another few months. Until April maybe. Which, hey, don't get me wrong, makes perfect sense. I mean- he could decide all kinds of things in four months then, right? And, so maybe four months goes by, and then it's something else, like- until you get settled in the house, right? Or, maybe you until you get a job, or until you get going in school. And then, school, well- school is just fuckin' made of deadlines, isn't it? You got holidays, and tests, and you know- finals, and then another semester, with the same shit, and the same tired routine, and he can put it off, and put it off, you know- indefinitely- One test, essay, paper, quiz, class at a time, one-.
.He wouldn't do th-.
.Until he's had enough time to find someone else..
.-.
.Hey, man, hate to be the bearer of bad news, you know? But he's like- stable. When was the last time you were stable about anything? Yeah, you got a job, but what a fuckin' job, you know? Health benefits to hand swipe cards and get stared at like a chew toy and talk overweight businessmen into memberships their wallets can afford but their enlarged hearts can't. He knows you, he knows where you work, and all those times you've blown up, and cursed and thrown things and totally lost your shit, he saw that. Every chink in your armor, you know? Do you think he's going to just forget those things? Do you think he has forgotten those things? What are you stupid?
Do you think he needs you around for some dumbass reason? He's got a family, he's a good looking guy, it's not like he needs you to get laid, you know? Hell, the two of you used to hit bars together, did he ever end up going home alone when he didn't want to?.
.No-.
.Sorry, I missed that, what did you say?.
.I said no, he never had any problem getting laid..
.Okay, so- we agree. And hey, good on him man, you know? You know how that is, right? And seriously- how long have you two known each other? Long enough, right? Hell, other people see it, remember? If something was going to happen- it would have happened. Don't you think that if he cared about you, if he thought about you at all, instead of just getting laid, shit would have happened already. But this year bullshit? Isn't that just a little too convenient? I mean, when you two were just fucking around and you didn't give a shit, it didn't come up, did it?.
.No, it didn't-.
.Because it didn't matter then, at all. Because he could get what he wanted, and didn't have to pretend to be attached. Because you could be- what is it? Come onnn, you know- I think we'll both feel better if you say it, don't you think? Because then you could just be-
.A piece of ass-.
.Yeah! A piece of ass! Hey, don't get me wrong- a great piece of ass, but a piece nonetheless. As soon as you started getting attached though, and wanting to play friends, there had to be this rule, you know? This deadline on affection? What the shit is that? Anyway, hey, we're friends right? You know I never left you, at all, whenever shit got hard, I've been there. And I never made you do anything you didn't want to, right? And hey, I'm not even going to try and tell you what to do here-.
.I don't know what to do here anyway, even without your help..
.It's a helluva situation, isn't it? Hey, maybe, just ask him about it. Honesty and shit right? He knows how that works, ask him to just- be- honest with you about what's going on. Ask him to just be straight with you- hey, no pun intended man- and say that a piece of ass is all you are, and that the year thing is bullshit, some random arbitrary bull-fucking-shit concern that lets him keep you at one remove, huh? I mean, if he's really your friend, he'd tell you, you know? He'd just say, "Yeah, the year thing is fucked, I don't want you, I know better-".
.I guess that makes sense-.
.Yeah, hey- and even if he tells you to fuck off- who's got your back, right? Who's always got your back-.
Initially, because of the suggestion that they make in recovery to wait a year before starting a relationship, Dom had said we could see about dating once I had a year clean. To say that I wigged out about that is something of an understatement. This was based on a writing prompt that said to create a scene using only dialogue, I wrote a conversation between me and me.