I hurt sometimes, and I don’t say…
I go quiet. Mute and numb.
I can do it without drugs too… like
my brain has an auto shut-off switch
and blows a fuse sometimes.
And I sit feeling like there are broken tubes
behind my eyes, with smoke
eking out around the edges of my mind
when I sit with my head tilted to the side
I hear music like broken glass.
I can smell the palm of my hand
the metallic spicy smell of ballpoint ink.
When I turn my hand over to look
it looks like it’s bleeding from every crease
and I tell myself it’s enough.
One of the things I tried to stop self-injuring, was to use markers or ink pens on my hands instead to make marks. Not always effective, because I could still do damage with a ballpoint pen and broke the skin a couple of times.